Today would have been my moms 59th birthday.

 Grief is a strange thing. It's as if it's a vague feeling/notion/experience that kinda floats around and hits you at times you expect and at times you least expect. There's really no nailing it down.

I thoroughly miss my mom. And I know pretty much everyone has somebody (or somebodies- word??) that they miss. I just plain old miss her presence. Her joy. Her life. Her voice. I'm sure I've said it before but nobody but nobody loves like a mother loves. My mom cared for me and my brother in a way that no one ever will again on this earth.

So, of course I'm hurting. How could I not be?! Sometimes I (foolishly) wish our relationship would have been a 5. Not a 1 where I'd have horrible memories, and not a 10 (which it was) where I'd have TONS of memories that hurt so painfully. Just a 5. Not too bad, not too good. Yeah, that certainly was not the case. It was "too good," and I thank the LORD for the time I got to spend with that godly, selfless lady I was privileged to call my mom.

Hi mommy,

Wow, do I ever miss you.. Today would have been your 59th Birthday.

This earth is definitely more of a lonely place without you. As I'm writing you, my tears are just spilling out of my eyes. As i've thought about this letter, I've had thousands of thoughts running through my head. You made such an impression on my life and I've learned so much from you.

i thank you... 

• for being a mom and dad to us.
• for always reminding not to hate daddy for not being around.
• for my brother, Luke. He is the best remembrance I have from you =)
• for teaching me that  parents and siblings are my best friends.
• for allowing me to make mistakes and helping me deal with the consequences.
• for teaching me to tell the truth even when the consequences may seem more than I can handle.
• for teaching me to be respectful towards others while standing up for what I believe in and staying true to myself.
• for teaching me to question things and to solve problems on my own
• for making me feel loved and showing me that the best gifts can not be bought.
• for showing me it’s okay to be wrong or not have all the answers. Nobody knows everything about everything.
• for showing me you’re not perfect and even the best make mistakes ;)
• for grounding me the first time I lied to you: I was in the fourth grade and lied to you about what my friends and I were doing. I admitted it to you in the middle of the night and you grounded me. The lesson was not to ever lie to you; but to never do anything I would feel guilty about later.
• for teaching me the importance of not giving up, regardless of the sweat and tears.
• because I know and love that the "best person" I know is you.
• for always being so selfless, so thoughtful, and yet so animated and full of character.
• for the life you lived by the grace of God!

 I am happy, mom, because I can celebrate you and all of the amazing women I know whose mothers had as big of an impact as you had on me.

I love you very much. I could've written volumes more. I felt like I had to get some tears and emotions out. I know I can't write you a letter really, but I do SO terribly miss our times together.

You're daughter,

 ♥♥ Keo